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Post by SOLY on Jul 23, 2006 9:59:12 GMT 6
[glow=red,2,300] Inescapable Guilt[/glow] written by SolyHelped by K n J CastLiza Wang: forensic scientist Wong Kar Man, Liza, Mrs. Lam Danny Lee : Police Lam Sau Yin, Mr Lam Raymond Lam: police Lam Fung, Ray Sek Sau: Police Chen Gong, Mr Chen Leila Tong: forensic scientist -intern- Leila Chen Kevin Cheng: Police Kevin Tong Tavia Yeung: Police Tavia Chan Sammul Chan: forensic scientist -intern- Summul Chan Kenneth Ma: police Kenneth Ma Sharon Chan: reporter Sharon Rebecca Chan as Rebecca Wong (Liza's sister) Lucky Wong as Toby (haha) Marry Hong as Mrs Chan xxx as Mr Chan Presentation of characterFamilyLiza, Sau Yin and RayRay is Liza and Sau Yin's son. 5 years ago, Sau Yin disappeared during his mission. Everyone thinks that he's died, but as his body wasn't found, Liza n Ray still hope that he's still alive and could find him back one day. Ray wanted to become a police like his father, but Liza didn't want. She said it's dangerous, and she didn't want her son to end like his father. But he hid Liza to go to the training. Mr Chen Gong and Leila ChanLeila is Gong's god daughter. He adopted her since she was 5 year old. Gong is Sau Yin's good friend. And they loved the same woman. Unfortunately for Sao Gong, Liza married Sau Yin. Tavia, Sammul, Mr and Mrs ChanTavia and Sammul are sister and brother. Kenneth and SharonKenneth and Sharon are cousin
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Post by SOLY on Jul 23, 2006 18:01:29 GMT 6
Episode 1 written by Soly At about 20:30, a body of a man is found in the forest. The police precipitated to come. They enclosed the place to forbid the journalists and people that have no task to get in. Among the police, there is Kevin, Kenneth etc... The corpse was investigated. And Gong (Sek) arrived. Kevin and Kenneth approached him and: “Mr Chen!” Gong approached the corpse and asked for the identity of the dead man. Kevin replied that his identity is not known yet, his identity card id not found on the body. And his face’s destructed. Liza, who’s examining the body, took off her mask, and turned to him and said that the man was dead a tough thing knocked his head. And his face and his front body were seriously injured; he might fell on a mirror or glass. The forest is not the crime place. She need to examine more to find out more evidences. The Corpse was brought to the ambulance in order to transport to the laboratory. While walking to the car, Liza lost her balance, she almost fall down, but Gong caught her up and helped her to find back her equilibrium. Gong: “Are you ok?” Liza: “I am alright. Thanks. Just my head turns. It’s probably because of the hunger.” Gong: “Don’t force yourself so much. Better think about your health!” Liza: “I am fine.” Half hour later, in the lab:Sammul helped Liza to glove and to give her materials. Gong and Kevin were beside. Liza: “His head is hit by a solid thing. His bones are broken. He must have fallen from a high place. And seeing his injuries on the face and the body, he must be fallen on glass. He died because of losing to much blood. The place of crime must be in a house. The corpse is started rotting. He must be died since yesterday.” Then Liza noticed that there’s something in his hand. She tried to open his hand hardly, and she found a piece of silk cloth. She took it with a claw and put in a sack transparent held by Sammul. Few minutes later, outside:Gong, in the car, honked to call Liza. He offered her a ride. As he knew that she’s hungry, he brought her then to a restaurant. Liza used to go there with Sau Yin. So she feels sad to get in there. Gong knew that she’s thinking of Sau Yin, so he tried to comfort her. Gong: “yin's been gone for 5 yrs now. But you still can’t forget him.” Liza: “before, I told myself that he was just swept away by the water and he had arrived somewhere not knowing how to get back home, but it’s been 5 years now, I don’t know what to think” She let out a big sigh and tears were falling. Gong gave her a tissue and posed his hand on her to console her. Then she continued Liza: “Ok, the noodle here is delicious. Have you tried it before?” Gong: “yes. It’s their speciality. How can’t I miss it?” Then they laughed, and the waiter came. They asked for 2 of the chef's speciality. They looked at each other and laughed. And Liza continued to talk. Liza: “When I first came here, it’s just a small restaurant with few tables. There weren’t that many dishes. There was only the noodle.” Then the dishes are served. They ate happily. Just as they were finishing their meal, Liza received a call from her sister. Liza: “Liza Lam speaking... Ahh? End E1
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Post by wendysys on Jul 24, 2006 4:34:21 GMT 6
wow, writing mystery now. "Inescable- wrong spelling?
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Post by ^K^ on Jul 24, 2006 6:14:09 GMT 6
interesting...haha...reminds me of that Bobby series...Forensic Heroes...haha...um...i think u ended the first chapter a bit soon..haha...
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Post by ^K^ on Jul 24, 2006 6:37:19 GMT 6
oh and yeah...u spelt "inescapable" wrong...
"The Corpus was brought to the ambulance..." i think the word should have been "corpse"
"Liza lost her equilibrium..." i think u would have been better if u replaced the word equilibrium with the word "balance"
"Sammul helped Liza to glove" as far as im aware of, scientists dont need ppl to help them put their gloves on...
"He must have been fallen..." didnt need the word "been"
"And seeing his injure..".. correct word is "injuries"
"He must be died.." um...wordings?
"He proposed to bring her, because he knew that she’s hungry" well...bring her where?haha...
soz if im just being picky...
hehe anyways..like i said...i think it ended a bit soon and not much conversation took place in that chapter there...u could have elaborated on the dinner thing with liza and shek in that chapter...
anyways..hope u wont hate me for being so picky or watever about that chapter
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daisy
New Member
Posts: 52
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Post by daisy on Jul 24, 2006 7:10:44 GMT 6
i want to continous scenario and when soly complete
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Post by SOLY on Jul 24, 2006 11:55:31 GMT 6
thanks for correcting me, hehe. Yea enescapable. Haha, Liza is an exception, she need helper, haha. Anyway, I didn't see Forensic Heroes. Really like that? U know, I didn't know it's too short here, I just made a episode in a page of MS word. So I will continue that eps. Don't forget to read the above page later.
If I say he propose to bring her to the restaurent. It doesn't sound good. If I say to bring her back. But it's not he brings her to the restaurent, so. So firstly just ask her to get in his car. But then to the restaurant. better?
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Post by ^K^ on Jul 24, 2006 15:34:09 GMT 6
ok maybe u shouldnt have said "he proposed to bring her" then...maybe u should have said "he offered her a ride/lift..."
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Post by SOLY on Jul 24, 2006 16:16:23 GMT 6
Thanks for helping me. Woww, I can learn a lot. Haha, can learn new thing. I am busy right now. I will continue this night. hehe
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Post by SOLY on Jul 24, 2006 22:25:10 GMT 6
Episode 1 written by Soly At about 20:30, a body of a man is found in the forest. The police precipitated to come. They enclosed the place to forbid the journalists and people that have no task to get in. Among the police, there is Kevin, Kenneth etc... The corpse was investigated. And Gong (Sek) arrived. Kevin and Kenneth approached him and: “Mr Chen!” Gong approached the corpse and asked for the identity of the dead man. Kevin replied that his identity is not known yet, his identity card id not found on the body. And his face’s destructed. Liza, who’s examining the body, took off her mask, and turned to him and said that the man was dead a tough thing knocked his head. And his face and his front body were seriously injured; he might fell on a mirror or glass. The forest is not the crime place. She need to examine more to find out more evidences. The Corpse was brought to the ambulance in order to transport to the laboratory. While walking to the car, Liza lost her balance, she almost fall down, but Gong caught her up and helped her to find back her equilibrium. Gong: “Are you ok?” Liza: “I am alright. Thanks. Just my head turns. It’s probably because of the hunger.” Gong: “Don’t force yourself so much. Better think about your health!” Liza: “I am fine.” Half hour later, in the lab:Sammul helped Liza to glove and to give her materials. Gong and Kevin were beside. Liza: “His head is hit by a solid thing. His bones are broken. He must have fallen from a high place. And seeing his injuries on the face and the body, he must be fallen on glass. He died because of losing to much blood. The place of crime must be in a house. The corpse is started rotting. He must be died since yesterday.” Then Liza noticed that there’s something in his hand. She tried to open his hand hardly, and she found a piece of silk cloth. She took it with a claw and put in a sack transparent held by Sammul. Few minutes later, outside:Gong, in the car, honked to call Liza. He offered her a ride. As he knew that she’s hungry, he brought her then to a restaurant. Liza used to go there with Sau Yin. So she feels sad to get in there. Gong knew that she’s thinking of Sau Yin, so he tried to comfort her. Gong: “yin's been gone for 5 yrs now. But you still can’t forget him.” Liza: “before, I told myself that he was just swept away by the water and he had arrived somewhere not knowing how to get back home, but it’s been 5 years now, I don’t know what to think” She let out a big sigh and tears were falling. Gong gave her a tissue and posed his hand on her to console her. Then she continued Liza: “Ok, the noodle here is delicious. Have you tried it before?” Gong: “yes. It’s their speciality. How can’t I miss it?” Then they laughed, and the waiter came. They asked for 2 of the chef's speciality. They looked at each other and laughed. And Liza continued to talk. Liza: “When I first came here, it’s just a small restaurant with few tables. There weren’t that many dishes. There was only the noodle.” Then the dishes are served. They ate happily. Just as they were finishing their meal, Liza received a call from her sister. Liza: “Liza Lam speaking... Ahh? End E1
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Post by ^K^ on Jul 24, 2006 22:59:05 GMT 6
hahaha...S...cliff hanger ending huh?haha..
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daisy
New Member
Posts: 52
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Post by daisy on Jul 25, 2006 7:50:07 GMT 6
i want when danny can appear in the episode?
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Post by SOLY on Jul 25, 2006 8:28:38 GMT 6
He will appear. You need to wait
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Post by *~J~* on Jul 25, 2006 16:12:11 GMT 6
that's great that daisy wants to continue the story when Danny appears.. =) co-operation! go ppl!!!
actually. both of you can write a different episodes. we'll create a poll and see whose is more popular and well-liked. LoL.
yea... you could have expanded the dinner scene (Liza and Sek's)....... put in more mushy stuff. LoL....... anyway, ummm... add this in the scene where Sammul helps Liza put on her gloves.
As Sammul idolizes Liza, and hopes to get on the good side of Liza, he quickly helps Liza to put on her gloves and hands her the utensils to carry on the autopsy while Gong and Kevin looks on.
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Post by SOLY on Jul 25, 2006 16:45:30 GMT 6
Wat are u talking about, J? I thought daisy want to know when Danny appears. Don't know. Wat she meant then?
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Post by SOLY on Jul 25, 2006 23:57:55 GMT 6
Episode 2 liza rushed to the receptionist desk at the hospital to ask where her son was. Gong spotted anxious Rebecca waiting in front of the operation room. Liza rushed over and asked her where’s Ray. And what happened to him? Rebecca: “My dog, Lucky…” Liza: “What? Lucky attacked him?” Rebecca: “umm… my neighbor’s dog…” Liza: “err... So, Lucky or your neighbor’s dog? Rebecca: “… both…” Liza: “Eh?” After the doctor finished the operation, the nurse opened the curtain and Liza saw a body covered by a white blanket. Liza, who can't believe her eyes, covered her mouth with her hand in shock, approached the body slowly; her tears streaming down: “Ah Fung!” Then a familiar voice came from behind "I'm here, Mom!" Liza turned back and saw Ray Liza: "Ah Fung! You are ok! You had me worried!" Ray: "it's alright, just a small injury. Nothing serious" Rebecca: "yeah, it was just minor injury. Stop over-reacting!" Liza: (turning to Rebecca) So! What all this got to do with Lucky Rebecca: Well! I took Toby out for a walk and bumped into my neighbor with her dog. Her dog started to growl at Lucky and you know Lucky doesn’t like being bullied. Liza, Ray and Gong all looked at each other with a puzzled looked Rebecca continued: “Both dogs refused to move and just started to bark and growl at each other. I didn’t know what to do, and just at this point of time, Ah Fung appeared and tried to separate them but the 2 dogs were already at war… and… well… Ah Fung just got caught in the middle.” Rebecca turned to Ray and apologized for the accident Ray: “it's ok, nothing I can’t handle! Rebecca: "yeah well you are my nephew after all. I don’t want anything to happen to you; otherwise your mother would hate me! But once again, your mother blamed me for your accident. Tell you what, I know u haven’t had your dinner yet, we will go home and I’ll make you some soup." Rebecca: "Oh wait, I need to go fetch Lucky from the vet first I'll make my own way up to yours" Gong: "why don’t I give u all a lift home since I have my car outside?" Liza: "No. I wouldn’t want to cause u any trouble. We can get a taxi back Gong: "That’s ok, it'll be my pleasure and I can try Rebecca's soup! hehe" Rebecca: "yeah ok. Sister, since your cars in the garage, getting repaired, Mr Chen can save us our taxi’s fare. Liza looked at her At Liza’s flat: Liza, Rebecca, Ray, maid and Lucky Ray asked their maid what is there to eat while waiting for Rebecca’s soup. Rebecca let Lucky get on the sofa and addressed to Liza: “Why didn’t u invite Mr Chen up?” Liza: “don’t you think we've bothered him enough?” besides I wouldn’t want him to get poisoned with your soup!" Rebecca: "huh! What you are trying to say? My cooking’s bad. You haven’t even tried it before. Let me show you what I can do." Liza: not today! I am stuffed! I had dinner with Gong earlier. Rebecca: "oh! That’s why. Is that the reason why u two arrived at the hospital together then? (Giving Liza a wink) Liza: “I don’t know what you are talking about. Ah Fung is waiting for your soup.” and she walked away Rebecca: “It’s too late now. I will do another day.” Liza laughed. End E2
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Post by ^K^ on Jul 26, 2006 6:01:52 GMT 6
Rebecca: "yeah, it was just minor injury. Top over-reacting!" - i think the word was meant to be "stop"
Rebecca: "yeah well you are my nephew after all. I don’t want anything to happen to you; otherwise your mother would hate me! But once again, your mother blamed me for your accident. Tell you what, I know u haven’t had your dinner yet, we will go home and I’ll make you some soup." Rebecca: "wait, I need to go fetch Toby from the vet first I'll make my own way up to yours" - u didnt have to put Rebecca's name up for the 2nd time, u should have just made a continuation from the last word like "Oh wait,...."
“Why didn’t u invite gong up?” - u used "Mr Chen" before hand why change to Gong?
Liza: “don’t you think we've bothered him enough?” besides I wouldn’t want him to get poisoned with your soup!" - u make Liza sound so serious!i think theres meant to be humour in this line rite? u could have made her have a giggle or somethin
all in all...ok la...but...u know...nothin about the murder case..haha...u should have incorporated somethin about the case here...cos it just seems like the case has just disappeared!hahaha..
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Post by SOLY on Jul 26, 2006 11:18:18 GMT 6
haha, ok, thanks for correcting me. The case will come in the next eps. Ok, let me correct it first. hehe, thanks again.
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daisy
New Member
Posts: 52
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Post by daisy on Jul 26, 2006 13:32:41 GMT 6
thank you for soly to reply my answer
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Post by *~J~* on Jul 26, 2006 18:58:00 GMT 6
haha... ya.. what happened to the case? haha.... i thought ray would be seriously injured or something and Sek would try and take advantage of the situation. hahaha.
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